My laptop screen displays incredible photos that change every few days. The other day, this came up...
...which brought a catch in my heart.
Not because I like the ocean (because I don't). Not because Richard (my deceased husband) was a sailor (even though he was), but because during the few times of darkness in the life Richard and I shared, he was so encouraging. Once I told him, "I feel like I'm swimming and swimming and swimming toward a lighthouse, with a load of rocks weighing me down. If it weren't for you, I don't think I'd make it."
He wrote me a love letter, where he responded, "I am looking at that lighthouse and thinking it is marking the way for us. Just keep swimming, honey. Follow the light. I'll be there waiting for you."
I photocopied that phrase in his handwriting and attached it to his photo standing on my fireplace mantle. As I grow into my life without him, there are times I miss him so much and re-read this phrase so I can keep going.
However, I think I'm moving beyond my grief these days, for it's rare when I cry myself to sleep. I'm sleeping much better now, perhaps because I'm tired of being sad. Yet occasionally, something will come up out of nowhere, like this lighthouse photo.
Rather than tears, these things make my heart smile. What a privilege it was to be loved by him.
A 50-something woman comes home to a place she's never been before.