It's been 35 days since I posted here. I feel the need to apologize to readers as well as my writing muse. I didn't realize how much this winter had affected me until Spring began to toss her warmth and light toward me.
I got through it, as all of us did here in Wallowa County. But the energy that was holding me together, giving me strength to dig myself out of the snow when I could, or deal with bored dogs who wanted to go outside when it was too cold for me, or just the frustration of "not being able to go like I want to"... That energy is reluctant to let me go. I held it together through those five months. Now my mind is slowly adjusting to freedom.
Quite frankly, I feel dazed and confused. It reminds me of Viktor Frankl's writing in "Man's Search for Meaning." After being released from imprisonment in the concentration camps during WWII, the prisoner wandered outside the gate and didn't know what to do or where to go. That's how I've been feeling.
Even on the sunshiny days, which are increasing in length and occurrence, there are times I hesitate to go outside.
However, I am continuing to move forward and have been out more than in. And there's probably some homesickness mixed in with this (but not enough for me to leave Wallowa County.)
At the end of February, a death in the
familiy generated a trip down South
for me to also be present for this
granddaughter's first birthday. Which
meant getting to be with her brothers
and parents, and her cousins and
their parents, which of course means
I spent about a week with my family.
Just love 'em all!
For about 24 hours I seriously
considered, "Maybe I should move
back to be closer to them..."
But that didn't last long. My kids have
their own thing going. And now they
have an awesome place to come visit
because I live here.
And here is where I really want to be.
Last winter gave me lessons on what to do next time, mostly to plan and enjoy indoor activities. To down-shift next fall, with fewer places to want to go. Add more lighting in my house and find indoor projects that will keep me entertained.
That would work.
So I welcome Spring and more opportunities to live within the warp and weave of Wallowa County.
I love it here.
This is my home.
A 50-something woman comes home to a place she's never been before.