PART 2: NOMADS' HOSTILE TAKEOVER
Last week I broke the news about the gang wars between The Guardians and The Nomads. The Guardians are the herds of deer who use the extortion of tulips, daffodils and public potty privileges to protect the citizens of Joseph.
The question is now raised, “From whom are The Guardians protecting us?”
That would be The Nomads.
These are the scads of California Quail who roam the housing territory, using our paved roads and flying our skies without one bit of licensing. Yes, they seem like innocent little birds, with sweet sounds of chirping as they pass by.
From personal experience, however, I can attest that they are militant terrorists.
I am awakened on mornings with “Reveille” outside my window, with the quail cocks crowing. They are hidden in camouflaged barracks among the thick limbs of a nearby spruce tree. But I see their outlines scurrying among the branches, backlit by the rising sun.
When they ramble along the street out front, there is always the one who mounts the peak of the large rock in my front yard. The Crowned One announces, “I rule!”
I have a tall cedar tree next where I park my car. In the dark of night, as I’m unloading my things to bring in the house, I’ll hear a rustle and a whisper of a cluck up in the dense tree, as though they are saying, “Shhh. Everybody, QUIET, so she won’t know we’re here.”
Having forgotten what has happened on numerous occasions in the past, I smile, “Oh, the quail are here. How nice.”
At my most unsuspecting moment, they explode out of the tree and drop over the fence to my neighbor’s yard. I try to still my palpitating heart while picking up groceries scattered about me.
“They got me,” I mutter. “AGAIN!”
Last fall a fruit tree across the street attracted a small group of Guardians. While they enjoyed crisp apples, a fawn spotted The Nomads in my front yard. The curious youth slowly came across the street for investigation. The Crowned One spotted him and led his minions on a frontal attack that pushed the youngster back, and The Guardians moved on.
I question the veracity of The Guardians’ protection I pay for. I check for clearance before I leave the house. I just wanted any newcomers to be well-informed of the gangs that hold us captive in Joseph, Oregon.
Originally published April 6, 2016 in the La Grande Observer. Reprinted with permission.